im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize