At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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