dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
