I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize