So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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