dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
