sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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