Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
