my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
