THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
