I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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