you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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