im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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