I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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