He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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