Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
