Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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