Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
