i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
