Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
