Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
