wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
