just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
