i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
