I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
