Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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