if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
