he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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