I cannot find my penis.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
