I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?