Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA