I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink