We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions