I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
