happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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