why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
