smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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