I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
