Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
