Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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