Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
