Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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