shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you win again, gameday.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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