he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
