she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You're like the curious george of whores
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
