sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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