I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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