Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm bleeding and have questions
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
