Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We are two peas in an std pod
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
