Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
