All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
