im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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