If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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