if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
