Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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