Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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