my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize