Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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