her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
