If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
