You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
