roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
