so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
