Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
