Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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