im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
