Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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