I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
