im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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