and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
