"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
