all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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