I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
