The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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