Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
