thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am midnight drunk by noon
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
