When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
