**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Green mimosas i think yes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
