I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
