I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
