Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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