I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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