the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
